Online Relationship – IV (Be wise)
(continuation…)
Now we have gone through introducing yourself and
being truthful to investigating the interested party to being picky, we’re now
down to our last installment. How can you know he is serious and really wants
to pursue the internet relationship into something more personal that may
eventually lead to marriage? Here are some good tips (this is more for
the women).
He calls
– He’d want to hear your voice on the line, not just your typing. Even a voice
call on the internet is still so impersonal. He will make an effort to spend on
long distance calls just to hear you believe me. This could mean he is
seriously considering this relationship. When he finds out you’re sick or a
disaster has happened where you live, he’d want to know how you are, he would
ring you up.
He sends
things/gifts/cards – He wants to make you happy by providing some of your
needs. He wants to send you souvenirs, some things to remember him by, there is
not much difference between an offline relationship where the guy buys you
flowers and chocolates and does that to make you happy, and an online one
except the distance. If he offers to send you something, accept. It’s one of the
ways men love, by providing. But please, don’t abuse it.
He remembers
your conversations and special occasions – given that you haven’t been
repeatedly reminding him it’s your birthday or post it on Facebook for all to
greet you. He recalls the conversations you’ve had three weeks ago and follows
up on the matter. This means he takes notes and listens to what you say, this
shows he is interested in you and what’s happening in your life. He leaves or
sends you messages a lot, not replies to conversations you have initiated but
rather he takes the time and effort to keep in touch and let you know what’s
happening in his life and wants to know how yours is going.
He has plans
to come and visit you - spend money on a plane ticket, risk being
mugged in the Philippines just to meet you in person. Isn’t that sweet? Wouldn’t
that really show his sincerity? If you’ve been in a relationship with someone
overseas and it’s been years and he still hasn’t come nor has plans to come, I’m
sorry but it could be a sign that he never will and your relationship is never
getting off the internet. It’s just really online. If he says he can’t afford
it then he shouldn’t have pursued you or anyone across the ocean if he knew
right from the beginning he doesn’t have the means to visit.
Unless you are very rich and can afford to fly not just
once but every time you want to be with him, this love affair is doomed.
CAUTION:
Engagement
- Now he may have done all above and before he flies in he wants to get engaged
online. This may sound really wonderful but it’s really stupid. Engagement is a
commitment to marry someone and how can you commit to marrying someone you
haven’t even met? He could be smelly, rude, loud, has annoying habbits that you
don’t see even in videochat and will only discover if you spent time with him
in person. So please, be wise, don’t get engaged online. You deserve a personal
proposal and the guy, if he is well and truly a gentleman, with genuine
intention and thinks highly of you, should agree that you deserve it and will
do just that.
Meeting in
person – Please, take precaution when you meet the first time. No matter
how long you’ve known him online, no matter how great it is that he has come
all the way from the other side of the globe to see you, be wary still. Don’t
meet alone. And when you meet, observe and be conscious of his ways, is he
respectful? Don’t dismiss thoughts that make you uncertain if you really
like/love him.
I would recommend you introduce him to family and
friends and have them spend time with him. Maybe they can say a thing or two
about him and give your self time to think about their thoughts about your
foreigner boyfriend/girlfriend. It wouldn’t hurt to know what they think.
Before my
husband flew in from Melbourne for the first time, we agreed we will not get engaged
online but we will meet first and make
sure what we felt online was real and the same in person. We also agreed that
instead of thinking of reasons why we should marry, we’d think of reasons why
we shouldn’t, the obstacles we might
face, and if we still want to be together, then we will marry, and so we did.
Pray and ask God for guidance and direction. Be
wise with a heart, love but with wisdom for Love and marriage are both
beautiful when it is right.
I hope you find the right one.
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