Online Relationship – III (Be choosy)

(continuation…)

It’s ok to be picky. When it concerns matters of the heart it’s only right to be careful. Oh, but you say you’re way over the hill, too old to be choosy, trash that reasoning! Age should never be the reason to settle for less. Oh, but you don’t think you’re worth much so you should only expect less, that’s crap! You may not think highly of yourself but you still deserve better.

I have always struggled with my self worth (being handicap, that’s not unusual) but I still think I deserve a good guy. I have never intentionally misled anyone and I love so true and for those things alone, I should only get the best.

So where can we find men like my husband (ok, and all loving men too), the good and faithful ones, loving and understanding and easy to train? They can be anywhere really, you just have to know where they hang out. A dog will not hang out with the pigs nor will he be in a pigsty.

Psalms 1:1 "Happy is the man who does not go in the company of sinners, or take his place in the way of evil-doers, or in the seat of those who do not give honor to the Lord."

Choose your crowd

Who are the people you hang out with online? Who are on your friends’ list? Who are the men you connect with, that you chat with, flirt with, that you allow yourself to fall for? Some men are obviously disrespectful to women and I don’t understand why some women would still keep them on their list, even entertain them in dating sites. And then when their hearts get broken, they get  betrayed, lied to, played, they blame all the men.

True that the heart at times can’t choose who it will beat for. Love is a mystery that is difficult to define, a disease that’s incurable. Sometimes we fall for someone and doesn’t really have a clear explanation why, we just do. But we can balance this by using our intellect, by choosing, by having a standard. Don’t just take anyone who comes along.

Should you then only belong to Christian circles and join only Christian dating sites? Not necessarily but it’s not a bad idea bearing in mind that still  there’s no guarantee the one you’ll meet there is in truth a real believer or a true gentleman with unquestionable intentions. Again, verify and investigate. Pick your friends even. You have no idea how much friends influence us even our choice of the opposite sex.

Choose by your standard

Do you have an idea what you want in a guy, the non-negotiables, the qualities you’re looking for? Often we don’t. When asked what we’re looking for, we just say “I’m not really picky, just someone nice who will love me,” without realizing the importance of having a standard, of being able to pinpoint what we really want and need. Being nice is not enough.

Being opposite online doesn’t seem to matter much, that’s because you’re really not together. So it’s ok if he is nice but loud and you hate noise because you really can’t hear him all that much on the internet anyway but if the relationship is to grow from there to being together in person, only then will you finally realize the difference and the possible consequences of it. So before you fall, and sometimes when you have it’s too late to back out, check your list. Do you have same values and beliefs? Same wants in life? If not, are the differences reconcilable?

A woman who likes to travel, whose love language is gifts, she loves branded clothes and enjoy shopping marries a man who is thrifty and enjoys farming. He dreams of having his own orchard and farm, away from the hustle and bustle of the city and retire in the country side. They loved and married and stayed together until they both fell to the ground. Now, the woman didn’t die miserable, the husband farmer provided for her but at times she would dream of travelling and wish she could buy the fur coats she desired, and every now and then hated picking the apples, now she didn’t regret her life but would she have been happier if she married someone who loved her and liked to travel too and could afford and doesn’t mind buying her things? The farmer bought a land and had his little orchard of apples but often he thought he wasn’t getting the support he needed from his wife to grow the farm, wouldn’t he be more successful if he had married a girl who loved him and also liked to till the ground?

Nice and looks are not enough. You have to choose well the one who can help you reach your potential, who, from the very beginning have always had that common goal in life.

Remember that the end objective of any romantic relationship should be marriage, a lifetime of partnership, so your choice from the beginning affects your future.

“Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy bloom

(to be continued...)

Also read:

Online Relationship –Introduction

ONLINERELATIONSHIP I – (Be real)

Online Relationship II – (Be safe)

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.