Online Relationship II – (Be safe)
(continuation…)
Since our last conversation was about you and the
importance of being true, I suppose we can talk about the “STRANGER” now. And
if you have taken the task to be truthful, you deserve honesty too.
It’s said that you never really know someone until
you marry that person. It’s so true! I’ve known my husband for 14 years, 11
years as a friend, 1 year in an online relationship and for 2 years now (whew
all that math!) I’ve been waking up to him in the morning, spending most of the
day in his company and go to bed with him at night but I still discover things about him
I didn’t know before. I guess I’m in for a lifetime of surprises huh? How much more this “STRANGER” you haven’t
even personally met.
How well you do you think you know him? On a scale
of one to ten, how confident are you that all the facts you think you know
about him are actually true? Should you ask him for proof of every word he has
said to you? That would be rude and insulting. But you have to be wary and
protect yourself too. I mean, really, anyone can lie and make up stories about
himself online. Here are some points to think about, questions to answer, and
see how your special friend online will fare.
Is his profile
picture really him?
I’ve seen this too often, people who uses photos of
famous people for their profile picture. How certain are you that he is really
a true-blooded Australian, American, Italian etc. not an Indian, Pakistani or
Nigerian? It doesn’t really matter where
he’s from but is he being truthful? That’s the point. In the case of an
internet acquaintance, I think a little paranoia is ok, you can’t be too
careful these days online. Scammers are all over the place.
Do your own investigation. If you mean to be just
friends then don’t bother at all BUT if there’s something more and you’re
beginning to like him and according to him he likes you too (assuming you’re
not assuming he likes you too but he’s actually told you he’s interested in
more than friendship) then by all means, to be fair to yourself, be nosy, it’s
your heart that’s on the line here and maybe your pride too.
Ok, there are ways to know if the profile picture
is genuine. It’s simple, videochat. I didn’t like my husband’s profile picture
on his blog. He looked like Saddam Hussein. Fortunately he looked a lot better in the videochats but his pictures online were
definitely him. Don’t be shy to ask to see him live, if he’s true to you, he
will grab this opportunity. If he starts making excuses, he’s willing to see
you but not willing to show himself, then there’s something fishy there. If he
claims to be an engineer, paid well, has money, uses the latest laptop but
can’t afford a webcam,..need I say more?
Is he really
who he claims to be?
Don’t take his word for it and believe everything
he says unless it’s backed up by facts you can verify or see for yourself. On
his Facebook account (because fb is the biggest and most known social network
these days and everyone is in it), does he have real friends, relatives or even
neighbors who know him personally who can attest to his wall posts, who can
verify or refute his claim that he is indeed single, a real human being who has
in fact, a social life outside of Facebook or are all the people on his
friend’s list are also just women online friends like you? Do you have a mutual
friend who knows him personally?
He may be a
psycho for all you know.
You see when a guy is really into you, he will take
every opportunity to prove himself and his intentions . He won’t hide anything
or make excuses.
If he does have family and friends on his social
network account (FB or others), what’s their conversation like? Do they talk
nice to each other, chat about interesting topics? Do they joke each other? In
other words, is his relationship with the relatives and personal friends healthy,
is there respect or do they curse, fight and have hordes of drama?
When my husband, who at that time was just a friend,
began to show interest in me. Left me
messages everyday, followed me from Yahoo to Facebook, I still didn’t trust him
completely, I still had a lot of reservations but when I saw how respectful
they were in the family towards each other through their conversations on his
wall, my trust grew like a tree. His personal friends attested and commented to
photos of his woodworks and shared mutual interests. I knew then, he was
authentic. I knew then, I had a good man.
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