Someone I know is being abused: what can I do?
Is there someone you know, a friend, a family member, a neighbor, who’s being subjected to physical abuse by her/his spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend or by another family member, and may have actually seen it yourself? Do you feel you’re consenting to it by not doing anything, almost as if an accomplice to the crime because you didn’t do anything to put a stop to it?
Well, there really isn’t much you can really do except maybe calm down the aggressive party if that can be done, if it’s happening right in front of you. We can’t just get in the middle of a misunderstanding or fight between a couple, we could be overstepping a boundary and worsen things rather than help.
I’m not an expert on this subject but here are some things you might do to help:
Get her to talk – An abused person is often in denial and hides the shame of it. Keeps it in secret and justifies it to protect family or the other party involved. It would help to have a friend to talk to and open up to, who’ll just listen. Gain her trust and maybe once she feels better about herself and knows she deserves better, she, herself will exert effort to get help.
Get the abused party to realize he/she is being abused – If the person being abused doesn’t recognize that her/his right is being violated, she/he will not strive to get out of the situation, and sometimes when one has very low self worth, grew up in an abusive environment or has been subjected to abuse (of any kind) for a long time, one doesn’t see it an abuse anymore but rather a normal part of life.
DO NOT TRY To talk her into thinking she’s being abused. She might resent that. She has to see and realize it herself. Lend or buy her books on abuse, invite her to watch videos that deal with domestic violence she can relate to and see herself.
Get her to get help – Once she/he’s seen the ‘abuse’ and wants no more of it, then you can convince her/him to get help.
Pray for her – Whether all of the above will work or not, this one is the best. Often, this is really all that we can do.
You can’t help someone being physically abused if the person himself/herself doesn’t recognize it’s wrong, no different from trying to convince an addict who doesn’t see and admit to his addiction, to go to rehab.
Well, there really isn’t much you can really do except maybe calm down the aggressive party if that can be done, if it’s happening right in front of you. We can’t just get in the middle of a misunderstanding or fight between a couple, we could be overstepping a boundary and worsen things rather than help.
I’m not an expert on this subject but here are some things you might do to help:
Get her to talk – An abused person is often in denial and hides the shame of it. Keeps it in secret and justifies it to protect family or the other party involved. It would help to have a friend to talk to and open up to, who’ll just listen. Gain her trust and maybe once she feels better about herself and knows she deserves better, she, herself will exert effort to get help.
Get the abused party to realize he/she is being abused – If the person being abused doesn’t recognize that her/his right is being violated, she/he will not strive to get out of the situation, and sometimes when one has very low self worth, grew up in an abusive environment or has been subjected to abuse (of any kind) for a long time, one doesn’t see it an abuse anymore but rather a normal part of life.
DO NOT TRY To talk her into thinking she’s being abused. She might resent that. She has to see and realize it herself. Lend or buy her books on abuse, invite her to watch videos that deal with domestic violence she can relate to and see herself.
Get her to get help – Once she/he’s seen the ‘abuse’ and wants no more of it, then you can convince her/him to get help.
Pray for her – Whether all of the above will work or not, this one is the best. Often, this is really all that we can do.
You can’t help someone being physically abused if the person himself/herself doesn’t recognize it’s wrong, no different from trying to convince an addict who doesn’t see and admit to his addiction, to go to rehab.
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