COMMITMENT - (A comparative study) II
According to “Wordweb” (an online dictionary) Commitment is
1. The trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose
2. The act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action
Before the result of this second set of questions sent to those participating in my survey, let me first say some things about what I’ve discovered as a result of it, so far.
It’s usually the single ones who are particularly interested in topics like this so I’m surprised that 50% of those who are doing my survey are married people, discarding the notion that once one marries, and the honeymoon is over, romance is dead (so don’t fear marriage). Neither does age lessen the interest or curiosity about ‘Love” and “Relationships”. In fact, the older and married participants were the ones who responded first.
Now let’s see what the women and men on the survey have to say about commitment:
What is commitment to you?
Both women (ages 18, 24, 25, 39, 55. 60) and men (ages 25, 31, 36, 38, 66) in the survey, see “commitment”, whether to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or marriage, as an act of unselfishness, giving of one’s self to another.
The men particularly, almost used the same wordings/phrases describing what commitment is to them, an unconditional giving of self. Now, please know that the men in my survey are decent Christian men (why would I want the opinion of immature jerks?). So, from the standpoint of decent Godly males, commitment is almost a sacred thing. No wonder it’s a pain to get them to commit to a lifetime partnership because once they do, they stick (single women, take note!).
What would it take to make you commit to marriage? Or what did it take when you did? (for married ones)
Again, both agree on the same reason why they’d commit. Two answers prevailed – “Love” and the “feeling, gut and belief that the person of affection is THE ONE.”
The women though provided traits they want to see in the future spouse that will help them decide but not the men. Only one mentioned qualities but said these qualities are but mere ‘desirables’ but not requirements.
And on to the third question…
What would make you break an engagement?
To the women, two factors – “deception” and “falling out of love”.
40 % of the men who participated in this set didn’t provide an answer, the other 40 % considered dishonesty and lying and the remaining 20 % might consider breaking up the engagement but to work it out first. Again, we see here how much mature, God-fearing men value “Commitment”.
Conclusion:
I say that both gender regard ‘Commitment’ very seriously. And contrary to popular belief that men are “promises breakers”, the good ones are for keeps for life.
My favorite line from this set:
Male, widowed, 66
“A certainty from both people that this person is the right one for me. Time is not significant, the certainty can come very quickly, or it may grow over a period, but being sure beyond all doubt is vital. This does not discount the value of similar standards of emotion, behaviour, spiritual values or social attitudes, but these things are desirable only, they are not essential. Certainty is of vital importance. It can translate into the feeling that "I have to marry this person because the alternative of living without them in my life is simply unthinkable”
“Matthew 19:6 – Why they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”
Further Readings:
Love, the one absolute essential question
1. The trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose
2. The act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action
Before the result of this second set of questions sent to those participating in my survey, let me first say some things about what I’ve discovered as a result of it, so far.
It’s usually the single ones who are particularly interested in topics like this so I’m surprised that 50% of those who are doing my survey are married people, discarding the notion that once one marries, and the honeymoon is over, romance is dead (so don’t fear marriage). Neither does age lessen the interest or curiosity about ‘Love” and “Relationships”. In fact, the older and married participants were the ones who responded first.
Now let’s see what the women and men on the survey have to say about commitment:
What is commitment to you?
Both women (ages 18, 24, 25, 39, 55. 60) and men (ages 25, 31, 36, 38, 66) in the survey, see “commitment”, whether to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or marriage, as an act of unselfishness, giving of one’s self to another.
The men particularly, almost used the same wordings/phrases describing what commitment is to them, an unconditional giving of self. Now, please know that the men in my survey are decent Christian men (why would I want the opinion of immature jerks?). So, from the standpoint of decent Godly males, commitment is almost a sacred thing. No wonder it’s a pain to get them to commit to a lifetime partnership because once they do, they stick (single women, take note!).
What would it take to make you commit to marriage? Or what did it take when you did? (for married ones)
Again, both agree on the same reason why they’d commit. Two answers prevailed – “Love” and the “feeling, gut and belief that the person of affection is THE ONE.”
The women though provided traits they want to see in the future spouse that will help them decide but not the men. Only one mentioned qualities but said these qualities are but mere ‘desirables’ but not requirements.
And on to the third question…
What would make you break an engagement?
To the women, two factors – “deception” and “falling out of love”.
40 % of the men who participated in this set didn’t provide an answer, the other 40 % considered dishonesty and lying and the remaining 20 % might consider breaking up the engagement but to work it out first. Again, we see here how much mature, God-fearing men value “Commitment”.
Conclusion:
I say that both gender regard ‘Commitment’ very seriously. And contrary to popular belief that men are “promises breakers”, the good ones are for keeps for life.
My favorite line from this set:
Male, widowed, 66
“A certainty from both people that this person is the right one for me. Time is not significant, the certainty can come very quickly, or it may grow over a period, but being sure beyond all doubt is vital. This does not discount the value of similar standards of emotion, behaviour, spiritual values or social attitudes, but these things are desirable only, they are not essential. Certainty is of vital importance. It can translate into the feeling that "I have to marry this person because the alternative of living without them in my life is simply unthinkable”
“Matthew 19:6 – Why they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”
Further Readings:
Love, the one absolute essential question
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