Dealing with painful rejection

I know that I said I’m writing for the guys this June but this post is sort of an urgent need. So I’m posting this for a friend, a beloved friend. This goes out to her and everyone else hurting right now. Hopefully, the guys will benefit from this too.

What a joy it is when the object of our affection returns what we feel for them, that’s like getting shot pass the heavens BUT more often than not, it’s the opposite that happens. The one we choose to love and be with either only would have us for a friend OR has his/her eye on someone else and that’s like the most painful thing. Or in a situation where you’re one of the choices, you didn’t get chosen.

I’ve been in this place before and here are some of the things I did to help myself move on. Now these are not exactly the secret formula of ‘moving on’ BUT maybe these could help.

1. PRAY – No one else could better understand our hurts (of any kind) than GOD. He knows and He sees every moment that we are in tears. Ask him to give you strength to face what it is you need to face and accept. Ask God to guide you in the right path to moving on. Give your pain to God and trust Him to have the best will for you. Read His words and find comfort in HIS promises.

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. – Hebrews 4:16

2. SULK FOR A WHILE – Yes, go through the process of grieving. Let yourself hurt for a period of time. Don’t fool yourself pretending you’re alright. Don’t paint the town red all suddenly. Wail if you have to, let it out.

3. GET BUSY – The idler we are when hurting, the worse it’s going to get. Maybe for a few days to a week but not longer. I know it’s hard to get motivated at a time like this but WE HAVE TO. Rejection sends one’s self-esteem down the pit and the last thing that would help is being unproductive. Distract yourself and re-direct your focus. Do or get into things you’re passionate about.


I re-learned painting and as soon as I finished my first work on canvass, I felt good about myself. I stopped feeling worthless and ugly (which one usually feels when rebuffed) I gained my confidence back and that made it easier for me to rationalize the situation, that it had nothing to do with me, just THAT the person I liked didn’t feel the same way or wasn’t attracted to me like I was to him. And realizing that made it less painful.

4. DISTANCE YOURSELF – It’d be harder to move on if you keep seeing him, keep hanging out with him. Some may be able to handle that or maybe after a time, you’d be able to BUT not right now.

Through the help of a friend (God bless him) and after trying a few times, I finally decided and gathered enough strength to stay away from that person who I felt rejected me) and in no time, I was over him, over the hurting.

5. SORROUND YOURSELF WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY– Now, don’t do the distancing alone. Go out and hang out with friends, encouraging and positive-thinking friends. Visit new places with them, try new things with them. It may be difficult to enjoy anything during this period but you won’t lose anything trying.

6. MEET AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS – Now if one isn’t for you then someone else might be and you won’t find that out if you don’t go out there and meet him/her. So, don’t stop making friends. You’ll be surprised to discover there are others just as incredibly amazing as him/her, if not better, who’d be more than willing to love you back.

7. BE OPEN TO NEW POSSIBILITIES – Don’t close the door yet. I don’t mean jump into a new relationship to cushion the rejection you went through, I just mean, relax, recover AND be optimistic.


Why does this happen to good women (Good men even)? You’re Decent, Godly, nice, pretty, you’re willing to be a faithful, dedicated wife, mother, friend, so why?


- God has a better plan – Jeremiah 29:11
- God knows you’d be better matched with another.


Things will get better. You’re not alone, God is with you, you have your family, you have us and we love you.


The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart – Psalms 34:18

Further readings:
Life after the heartbreak
Kevin: on heartbreaks
Dangerous Assumption